Many of us have small children, so my next question for today involves their well-being. There has been a huge shift in thinking — even just from my generation — about what constitutes safe playing for kids.
Nearly extinct are the days when kids just free played up and down their street, riding bikes to the pool and goofing around outside until the parents called them in for dinner. Now, it’s much more about scheduled play dates, organized activities, and supervised backyard play.
Richard Louv, author of last year’s Book Club summer selection Last Child in the Woods
Parents are overly worried, argues Skenazy, because the dangers we imagine are mostly in our heads. Thanks to the Internet and nonstop news, we receive worldwide information instantaneously, making us falsely believe the world is more dangerous than when we were kids. In fact, crime overall is at an all-time 30 year low.
Here’s today’s discussion question:
Do you let your kids play outside in a “free-range” style? How safe do you feel letting them out of your site, even when you know where they are? Do you think our current world is truly safer than it was when we were kids? And how does this affect how you interact with your neighbors?
8 comments:
Natalie,
You are posing a good question, and I guess one that I thought perhaps was obvious but in thinking it over, maybe not so obvious. I think it is not safer than in times past, certainly not the fifties. However, I think our moms had a lot of extra eyes, and instincts and could read us like books. I am the kind of person that would put a chip in my kid if need be, and I am very protective. I guess you could say I am not a free range advocate. LA
Look at the data - there is absolutely no increase in dangerous crime over the past 50+ years, just an increase in the perception of danger. I think parents today are ridiculously overprotective. When I have kids, I will absolutely continue to advocate for age-appropriate free play for my kid(s).
First, I live in New York City. Second, my oldest is 4. So, I don't let him out of the apartment on his own, let alone out of the building. I don't follow him around at the play ground, but I only take him to playgrounds where I can see the whole playground from the bench. I will often talk to other mothers, but keep an eye on him. There have been a few times where I moved but didn't let R know, and watched as he panicked when he saw I wasn't where he expected me to be.
There are social skills that only unguided play can teach. I also, don't have any toys for R that do the imagining play for him (not talking spacemen, no neighing horses).
But, when I am visiting my parents, I let R go outside to their backyard by himself. I check on him periodically through the windows--and it seems to be my mom who goes out to sit on the deck to watch him play.
I would say more important than watching your kids at every minute it to make sure you know who is getting close to your child, especially when they get older. Sexual predators are not lurking in the bushes - they are (sadly) sometimes coaches, church members, or in other areas where they have access to children. They are master manipulators and will get close to a child and get the child to trust them. Being cautious of this is very important. 1 in 4 girls are molested by the time they are 18 and 1 in 5 boys. Sad, but true.
Perhaps I shouldn't weigh in again, I am not used to sharing opinions via internet, but here goes... the mention on crime at a 30 year low. Is that by number of crimes, or percentage of crimes to the population? If that is percentage, there are more crimes currently, and that puts us closer to the crimes committed and would justify more diligence. The perp gains the advantage of having a greater selection. LA
I probably shouldn't post a comment, because I don't have anything of value to contribute - just the fact that this is something I think about and wonder how we will handle. We discuss the perception of increased crime vs. reality, his childhood (suburb in the 80s/90s) vs. mine (city in the 80s/90s), and our comfort levels.
I wonder if there's also been a shift in the sense of community, too. Parents looking out for others' kids and such. Does that still exist? We have lived in our new (suburban) townhome for almost a year, and have exchanged maybe a handful of words with our neighbors. Does that speak to the "personality" of the neighborhood? Do people mind their business more than they used to? Is it different elsewhere? Am I reading too much into it?
See, I have way more questions than answers. I am reading the comments with interest...
I really appreciate all the comments that were left - thanks for taking the time! I love hearing your thoughts. I thought perhaps I should share mine as well.
There are a number of issues to address when considering the topic of "free range" play, but I think the main focus of the article was childhood abductions and the resulting protectiveness that parents practice in response to the fear of abductions.
I've spent the last hour or so verifying what the blog post and Steph alluded to... the childhood abduction rate has *declined*. The FBI doesn't include crimes against children in it's annual crime summary, but the statistic of missing kids each year brings the number to 800,000 (since they have to be entered in the national database IMMEDIATELY after they are reported). While that sounds like a large number, most of those are runaways, abductions by a family member (such as a noncustodial parent), or abductions by someone that the child or child's family is close to. (This highlights what Brynn brought up - be aware of who your child spends time with.) A stereotypical "kidnapping" is extremely, extremely rare.
However, I grew up in the Jacob Wetterling generation. I sat in my elementary school gym while Patty Wetterling spoke to Southwest Elementary. (And actually, Grand Rapids experience an abduction and murder in 1991 of an 18 year old girl. You can read about it here: http://news.minnesota.publicradio.org/features/200004/24_newsroom_ruralcrime-m/smalltown.shtml) So, the good debater in me would ask: is the decline in childhood abductions actually a RESPONSE to the diligence of parents in teaching their children "Stranger Danger"?
In the end, I think I have somewhat of a disconnect between what I believe and how I behave. I believe that I live in a safe community, and I believe that, as Brecken said, there are skills only unguided play can teach. Therefore, I would probably argue that there is an over-protectiveness about society, and I can see how that can change the way kids are being raised. I am going to do my best to instill good judgement in my kids, but I am going to have to work hard not to teach them to be a worry-wort like their mom.
So, will I let my kids play in the backyard without me being out there? Yep. Will I let him wander the neighborhood without first telling me where he'll be going? Nope.
We'll see how it actually plays out when Seth is older. ;)
We all need unsupervised play to develop our personal awareness. We also all need the voice of reason from our guardian angles when our frontal lobe is not fully formed, or for us older children, we choose not to use it. Some of the toughest choices, for parents, are those between two “rights”. That is the art of parenting. A healthy balance depends on the child, especially his “fear factor”, or his surroundings, or his choice of friends, or his age, and the list goes on… One study I read suggested that those kids that have no fear of the curly slide are more likely to be tempted by drugs. What? The danger to children unfortunately is not limited to predators. I have witnessed students place too much emphasis on their studies, on sports, on dating, on their appearance, and again the list goes on. As parents, we need to do our best to know our child. Spend time with him, not just quality time, but copious time, observing the little things, the preferences, the strengths and weaknesses, and allow that bond that comes with time to alert you to anything that feels “off”. My wife can still do this with uncanny accuracy even with our adult kids. Good luck to us all!
Post a Comment